INFLUX OF NERVES

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Preparing for a trip is hard work, especially when I've got exams looming in the background (and the fact that I've basically procrastinated all semester round). With exactly a week to my flight to Poland, I'm both super excited and super nervous. I have been having random dreams and nightmares about travelling (like exploring amazing new places... and somehow losing my luggage. All the typical stuff). I've also started to truly to comprehend the enormity of my impulsive decisions - like 3 months?! How am I going to survive being away from my family (and my dogs) for that long? Oh well. Life goes on. Skype. *This is called ignoring my problems and having them come bite me in the ass later, aka. being positive*

I've been talking to some of the other interns about travel plans after the project and whatnot, but I'm staying open so I can decide when I'm in Poland. I might also consider getting a pass so I can have some added flexibility of travelling to wherever, but knowing there is a fixed cost/sunk cost. I hate waiting and checking up on flights etc. so it's probably easier to get some pass and just go.

On a side note, I really need to start writing my essay so I can get it out of the way and start preparing for the stuff I haven't already. My to-do list is getting way out of hand. And I'm hungry, so... I will end up eating, watching some show and not start till another 1.5 - 2 hours. Great. It's really demotivating. Why do exams and assessments have to have such a crippling effect on me?

GRATEFUL

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FLIGHTS. ARE. BOOKED. Got my TN AN yesterday and finally finalised flights today! That amazing joy that beams within me is virtually unstoppable. Cannot stop smiling. To have that assurance that I have secured my spot on that flight that will take on to magical lands where life changing adventures await is beyond me. It's like all those hours researching and worrying has amounted to this peak of happiness knowing that it will happen.

But even greater than that, I'm so grateful and blessed to even dare to dream of embarking on this journey. Honestly, I'm ashamed that I don't express this enough but I'm endlessly grateful for my family and the support they've always shown me. Being raised in an Asian household, it's almost inevitable that my parents would be somewhat protective and strict (well, during adolescence more so than during my childhood really). Yet, now that I've entered my 20's, the biggest gain I've received during the transition from being a teenager to an adult is that freedom and space to explore who I am with the support and trust of my family. With decisions I make, whilst I don't always go into deep discussions with my parents to arrive at them, they are willing to support me and trust my decisions; trust that I'm smart enough to know what's right for me and that I'll be okay regardless. That trust and understanding has given the courage to conquer my own self doubts, and to just go with what I really want at the end of the day.

It's a shame that I don't always take it upon myself to truly reflect and realise how blessed I really am to have this magnificent support network, and how privileged I am. My parents have struggled and made sacrifices throughout their lives so my siblings and I are afforded the comfort and safety of living in Australia. To live in a land where travelling is never really an elusive dream that evades us but rather a goal that can be achieved if we simply worked hard and reached out. Even today, at the travel agency and just checking in with my mum that I was booking my flights and the fact that she had no hesitations or reservations still stuns me. Or even, my dad being totally fine with me going away overseas for 3 months astounds me. It makes me realise that even though I still live at home, and still act like a baby with my mum... they acknowledge that I'm an adult and responsible enough to live my own life. I don't know. That means a lot to me. Because even at times, I don't have that faith or belief in myself. I've never really struggled with my self confidence, but to know my place in life and that my decisions are the right ones... is tricky.

My family will always be a big part of me, they're my rock and my home will always be my sanctuary. I know that seeing the world will be amazing and wonderful, but I don't doubt that I will always miss home and the most important people (and dogs!) in my life. Luckily, they're just one call away or even one Skype chat away - I'm already excited at the prospect of video calling home and telling them of all the wonderful things I experience and being able to tell them I miss them like crazy. I'm a homebody like that... but there is a whole world out there I'm waiting to see.  However, I know I will be welcomed home to hugs and wagging tails; I will come home with a heart that loves my home even more than I already do and I will come home with a piece of the world to show my family.

POP IN

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Quickly checking in to rant about the difficulty of planning a trip. Flights and itineraries, especially trying to get cheap flights and budget elude me. WHY. I've been struggling so hard to deal with the anxiety of waiting for a reply, looking at all the amazing places, realising that everything is bloody expensive and trying to stretch my tiny budget even further. I don't know how realistic my budget looks and I'm now coming to terms with the fact that I may not be able to do as much as I would like; definitely will have to make little compromises.

STILL SEARCHING

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I've yet to get matched. STILL! I think my problem was my indecisiveness and my fear of the unknown. So know I'm seeing how the Wroclaw and Krakow LC's are going. Hopefully, I get matched soon. I guess, I've learnt to really go with the flow and seize opportunities. Time passes by quickly and sometimes, that's how we lose sight of opportunities.

I've watching a travel documentary that Song Joong Ki filmed in Sydney and it's quite interesting to see a tourist/foreigner's perspective of the city I grew up in. It also makes me yearn to go travelling. One day, I wish to go to Korea as well ~ There's this scene of him sleeping at the beach... I really would like to try that one day. And to add to my list, I'd really like to buy a book from every country I visit... yet books are heavy! >.< STILL, it'd be such a nice little keepsake when I have my own personal library - I can have a little 'travel corner' of foreign or books I bought overseas. Plus, they'd probably be cheaper than in Sydney anyways. Maybe I should just ship them back hmm. Regardless, I'd have to keep a journal as well. All this travel talk makes me so excited!

Ah, Joong Ki also went to USYD to bike. It looks really beautiful on screen. Sometimes, I wonder where my life would have taken me if I had gone to USYD. You know those moments that take you back into an earlier time in your life... that is me right now. I wonder if I would've been a different person, had different experiences, made different friends... Life is magical in its own way, how we arrive to who we are.

SEEK OUT YOUR DREAMS

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So for a couple of months now, I've been on the systems but have only recently been actively looking for a project. Matching Mania took place just last Saturday and in itself, it was an intense and hectic experience - talking to people about the projects and then nek minnit, Skype interview! What's even more awkward and cringeworthy is that I had to have mine whilst my brother and sister were around - brother was yelling at the dogs to stop barking, and sister was walking in and out looking for food. Thank gosh, all of this happened in the first interview where there wasn't video! Somehow I managed to get through the interview relatively well, and got a matching offer for a project in Czech Republic!

For my next interview, the girl interviewing me (who was really pretty and nice) requested a video call soooooo .... I had a Skype interview with disheveled, yucky hair. Oh well. It was slightly more nerve-wracking the second time round, because I was really keen on Poland.  What made it more tricky is that she could only give me a verdict like an hour after the interview, which kept me on my toes for that extra hour (y'know, instead of studying or doing my assignment that was due two days after). So when I got the email saying I got another matching offer, I literally ran around my lounge room in excitement! That said, since all these offers are from Matching Mania, I never really got to research and prepare myself for the prospect of the projects so I'm going to do that in the coming days.

To be honest, I'm slightly leaning towards Poland and it's mainly because other people in the LC have had wonderful experiences in Poland and I know it may be a bit 'herd mentality' but I think... having that assurance coupled with an openness to a country like Poland where I haven't yet romanticised would be a really challenging and interesting experience. My main dilemma is whether to choose between teaching Kindergarten kids or high schoolers. I want to apply soon. Maybe now. *FINGERS CROSSED*

So, with all the balls rolling in motion (is that the saying? I'm horrible at idioms! Please correct me if I'm wrong, I don't want to further embarrass myself in real life), I'll try my best to post updates about the tiny toddler steps I take towards getting on the flight of a lifetime! Hopefully, once I'm overseas I'll be able to post more regularly (and sacrifice more sleep in the process)! 

TAKING THE PLUNGE

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So. This is one of those rare moments of clarity where I'm ready to take a leap towards my dream. Ever since my first flight overseas more than three years ago back to Vietnam with my family, I've always had a desire to travel independently. To be in a totally new, different and foreign country feels absolutely magical.

And I've missed that feeling almost daily. To put things into perspective, I am studying Commerce/Law which basically equates to 5 years of institutionalised learning and more or less the same routine - wake up, commute, go to class, commute, shower, dinner, study (minimally or nothing), then sleep and repeat. Of course, there will always be knicks and knacks and exciting moments and hobbies and lovely moments with lovely people to look forward to and brighten my days... but I'm not going to deny that at times, life feels monotonous. Escaping that monotony is a big catalyst for my desire to travel, because it is only through tackling that battle against monotony can we gain perspective, get out of our comfort zone and truly experience what the world has to offer.

Yes, I want to endeavour and marvel at the breadth and amazing sights that the world will offer me. And I am taking baby steps. Well, not so baby - maybe toddler steps; waddling towards my dream. I've decided that I will embark on this journey through going on an AIESEC exchange. Having been a Team Member for the past year and having grown from the experience, I feel really passionate about really getting out there and experiencing the product for myself. Not to mention, it makes perfect practical sense - committing myself to a project where I can make a social impact and a personal impact, whilst having accommodation and some food provided is beyond expectations. Realistically, when travelling, accommodation is what really empties the wallet so to have that covered for a good 6 weeks takes so much off the financial burden and money can be redirected elsewhere. And to add even one meal to that mix, though likely more if I stay with host families, I would be saving heaps and meeting amazing people and have a foundation to really get to know the families and the culture.

I don't know, I'm really curious: what inspires everyone else to travel?